Living Life with the Storms Outside...

I feel blue.

Why?!

Not so sure.

I lie.

I know why....

It doesn't matter though.

________________________----_______-----_______------------______________----------------__________________________________-___________________________

I'm craving contact.

I need a boy.

Exchanging body heat in the passanger seat....

I'm in love with Teddy Geiger....

"I could fall asleep in those eyes...."

oh...

"So, here's the dilemma.. Andrew writes you a letter and asks you to give a speech at his funeral. But you promised me that you would sing 'Up She Goes' at my funeral. What would you do if our funerals were on the same day at the same time and mine was in Chicago, and his was in California?!" ~Jess

"Jess, of course I would go to yours." ~Me

"Good, you do love me more than Andrew!" ~Jess

It's true. Jess, I do love you more than Andrew.

But if he wrote me asking me to get it on... it might be a different story ;)

So, today just for shits and giggles I decided to watch the "It's Gonna Be Me" video... this then spurred me into an *NSync extravaganza!

I came to the conclusion that the world would be such a better place if *NSync were still together....

I mean come on they had the whole package...

hot boys
Justin
great songs
nice dance moves
Justin


It honestly makes me tragically sad inside...

When they were around and seeing them on tour all the time with My Sis, and My Mom... I can honestly say those were some of the best times I've ever had!

I think Justin needs to get his head out of his ass, and get back together with them...

REUNION TOUR!

So, for old times sake I am going to go watch my PopOdessey Live DVD...

Dee, remember when we saw the tour for the first time in the front row?! Our yard kicked some serious ass....

I miss them...

So, I learned a lot today

A) 30 year old business majors who ask me out, and whom I went out with a number of times, actually beats civilians and gets fired from the police force because of it. I randomly saw it on the news tonight and it blew my mind...now he's on the internet, oh, and the pictures of him aren't so great. (Ryan Lemke)

http://www.jsonline.com/news/site/archive.asp?id=326 (click on first link)

B) Milwaukee is kind of a scary place, especially when the second floor of the house I'm living in gets broken into; stuff gets stolen, and a few houses down people throw bricks through windows so they can break in.

So, the question is... why am I here in the house alone right now?!

I have to admit, I'm not so comfortable with either situation.

No good.

So, I hung out with Katie tonight. All we did was lay on my bed and talk about our favorite topics, and about life. But I just felt so comfortable talking to her. She's always supportive, never judgemental, and she's always honest, which is exactly what I need. I know that I've found a best friend for life in her.

So, this entry was inspired by Jess so I have to give her some props for giving me the motivation to do this...

Someone out there is meant to be the love of your life: your best friend, your soulmate, the one you can tell your dreams to...he'll smile at you when you tell him, but he'll never laugh at your heart. He'll brush the hair out of your eyes and send you flowers when you least expect it. He'll call you to tell you goodnight before you get into bed, or just because he is thinking about you. He'll be bursting to talk to you each morning just to hear the sound of your voice. He'll look into your eyes and tell you that you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and for the first time in your life ... *you'll believe it*

Is it natural that this makes me so bitter....?!

Jess and Dee.... 3 days ladies.... I've got my fingers crossed and a male prostitute on the ready ;)

So, Jess and I are on the phone having a debate as to whether or not Dave Matthews Band or Gavin DeGraw is better....?!

LAGUNA BEACH.... I can't put my love for this show into words... beautiful people, especially beautiful boys, on beaches in California! I don't think it could get much more perfect than that... I have decided that I want to move to Laguna Beach, I have wanted to do this since I saw the first episode last year but I know now for sure... I am on the hunt for Stephen! I can't even wait for next week... I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight... it's the one thing I always look forward too... WOW, I'm way too into this show!

Dear Studio Audience I have an announcment to make.... It seems that people these days are not who you think.....

I haven't written a legit entry in forever... for many reasons: Many of the past entires I wrote were written at a time when I was hurting pretty bad and I was extremely confused. I said a lot of things that I wouldn't say now, and I wanted to delete them but that wouldn't make it like I didn't say it. So, I decided to keep them cause I meant what I wrote at one time. Also, from my past experience with reading others entries... these things can end up causing a lot more harm then good, and some entries have caused a lot of hurt.

So, quick update....

Summer was amazing... it was great to be able to hang out with Christopher for an extended period of time, and not have to worry about him leaving right away or having to leave him back in MA. Driving out there was one of the funnest things I've ever done... then to follow with Lake Days, hanging out, and just fun in general. But, in the beginning of summer I was much unhappier then I am now, and I think that's cause I have finally come to realize that I can't control everything... you just have to let things happen the way they're supposed to. I tried to control things this summer that were just out of my control.... I made myself unhappy as well as others... but luckily, by the end of summer I got much better and now I feel better about things cause I am just taking it day by day. I've learned a lot about myself in this past month...

I feel like I've gotten older in the past month since school began. I feel different, which has to mean something... I think I've changed, and I think it's for the better. School is going good for me, I LOVE my Job... Yes, everyone... the always unemployed now has a job and I work ALL THE TIME... but I love it. I live in a house with 2 amazing girls who get on my nerves but never-the-less, their my alchi roomates whom I babysit but I love. I feel more independent than I used to be... I like having our house, and I kinda am feeling for the first time what it's like to be on my own...kinda! Of course, I go home occasionally on the weekends but with juggeling work, school and life in general I feel more responsible and I feel older... and I'm just happy...

A major part of this I contribute to the fact that me and my sister are so much better... she wasnt speaking to me at the end of summer and it made me realize what I had lost without her. She's the one person that no matter will always be there and I jeaprodized that... I've lost a lot of friends over the past year but I CAN'T lose my sister... she's just too important. Another thing that helps is the fact that I used to look at being in love with Him as torture on some days and as bliss on others but I don't feel like that anymore sure it hurts like hell some days but... I feel lucky, or special almost, to have had the chance to feel this deeply for another person no matter how it ends... it could end very badly and probably will but at least I've gotten the chance to feel this...

At the beginning of the school year I kinda took a break from everything, I don't know why but I liked the feeling of being on my own and not having to deal with the constant dramas of the day. I decided that I am no longer going to take part in anything drama-wise unless it's legitimate... I have had my fair share of drama in my short 19 years and I HATE more then anything unneccesary drama that people cause for attention... so, from now I won't feed into it... I'll ignore it, I guess I just hate feeling like I'm still in middle school. Life this past month has been so much easier without it....

I like the way I feel right now... like no matter what I have to complain about that everything just seems to be working out... sure I get stressed and frustrated but I'm just better at dealing with things... much more so than I used to be. I've also started keeping things to myself... I used to be the type of person that could just tell my deepest and darkest secrets and I even still did it this summer. I guess I realized that talking about things isn't in my best interest cause i'm afraid it'll just get thrown back in my face or spread as gossip, like it has too many times in the past. It was hard at first realizing that I had lost a lot of trust in people and lost the person I could tell everything to, and some people are just hard to talk to about things.... but I'm getting better at just relying on me... it seeems easier...

But anyways, I decided that I liked having a livejournal so I'm going to start making more entries but I can promise that their not going to be hurtful towards anyone or dramaful... It'll be fun things.... and just general updates on life.... I just hope things keep going this good....

I think I talked in circles for most of this but those who know will understand....

When are you coming to visit me again T2B2....I miss your crazy ass....

Oh, and Ryan Reynolds is a walking wet dream.....

"How do you make your nipple tickle?!"

"I call it Turtle Head..."

Today was a good day, first a phone convo with my friend Emily who I lost touch with for a while but it was good talking to her again....
Then, Marcie comes to visit me which was AMAZING... I love that girl.... what a sweeheart.... can't wait to hang out again!
Then, a phone call with my dearest Angela.... it's always a good way to end the night before studying.... Love you and can't wait for our summer to start!
Then, back to Milwaukee for this:

This is my last night in my dorm room EVER.

This is my last night with my suitemate Nicole in this suite EVER.

I won't get to see her again until July, and it makes me very sad.

I have one more exam tomorrow morning at 7:30 but I am waking up at 6 so I can get everything situated before I leave for Boston directly following my exam.

I am SO excited about this.

It'll be great to see Christopher again and it'll just be a great experience.

Miles to Boston: 1,077
Approximate Hours: 16.5
Highways Driven: 11
States Driven In: 7 : Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, and Massachusetts
Ultimate Goal: Retrieving Christopher and bringing him home where he belongs "Pack your things, I've come to take you home...."

Update when I get home.... Saturday....

Jess~ Next time Bob calls you, tell him I think he sucks.... and tell him that Megan says WHATEVER TO YOU! (I'll call you from the road, call me from Jacks maybe during We Were Made For Eachother?! TWAT!)
Dee~ Have fun and grab Andrews package for me! I want to know how it feels in graphic detail ;) (oh, and beat the shit out of Bob and leave him in a ditch to rot please!) Thanks....

Have fun LADIESSSSSSSS......

Angelina Jolie is Hot.
Just watched Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life and am envious of her picture perfect body and her stunning beauty.

With that said now it's back to worshipping boys.

I was more then excited when Jess left me an AMAZING voicemail saying that The Academy Is... will indeed be playing at Summerfest on the 4th of July! AMAZING!

Also, thanks for TAI... concert call, it was super appreciated... I haven't seen them in so long and I'm beginning to miss the Almost Here... very much!

This weekend has been very productive... lots of studying... lots of sleep... and plenty of family time. Exams next week which I am NOT looking forward to but it'll be nice to follow them up with a little drive to Boston and the chance to hug Mr. Christopher once again. Hopefully... we'll make the trip to Niagra Falls, and not to forget Beaver Valley.

I can't put into words how excited I am about Summerfest and Summer in general. I'm really excited to grace the Harley booth once again this year! It's gonna be a great 3 1/2 months to say the least!

On that happy note it may be time to go dream myself to sleep with a little "Wait"... thanks for the lullaby Andrew...

.......So, Goodnight Goodnight.....

So.... it's weird how one good song can change your mood completly.

The last two days have been a bit stressful and admitedly I have been crabby but then last night Andrew makes a new post:

A) It's about Vegas which always brings back phenominal memories.
B) It says two new songs released...AMAZING!

So. Listen to those two new songs and they are AMAZING... I have a new favorite song... I am in love with it. Repeat.

So, I woke up this morning in a fantastic mood and I credit it completly to We Were Made for Eachother....

"Maybe we were made, we were made for eachother, ahhhh. Is it possible for the world to look this way forever, ahhhh?!"

Then the second part of the song:

"Skin New, Hands True, My hands all over you..."

Yes please Andrew.... yes please!

AMAZING.

Jess:
"So, here's what I think would really happen if me and you were in a car together."
"You would be driving and I would say "Hey, Megan I've got something Awesome to show ya"."
"So I pull out this amazingly grotesquely zoomed in and blown up picture of Bob out of my purse."
"You look at it and then we crash."
"The cops would do an autopsy wondering why we had crashed and they would find a crumpled up burned picture of Bob."
"Then Dee would be like "NOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Then there would a memorial concert in your backyard."

Insert my Comment:
"They would prop up our caskets in back so we could watch."

Jess:
"With the funds that Dee and Erica made they would hire a sniper and while Bob is rocking out on the left (sucky) side of the stage... pow."
"Then they would prop his dead body up in back between ours."

True. True. Bob will one day be my demise.

Jess~Voicemail.....

Okay, I was a little stressed and pissed this morning.
Evil people cause me to get upset when I shouldn't.

Forgive - Never
Forget - I'm trying...
Move On - YES, and without you

Okay, that is all I feel I need to say.

I am feeling in a much better mood at the moment, and listening to Andrew always helps.

The Ladies and I are off to go celebrate some birthdays at the Twisted Fork!

Jess: ba da da da... ba da da da da.... I miss it!

Angela, your amazing!

I feel VERY hateful today.
There are many reasons why.
I don't like it.

"Smile like ya mean it".....

My birthday was fantastical... The Killers fucking rocked! Thanks much to Deedee... Angela and I got to go back and meet the Killers with her! Despite his social anxiety disorder and the fact that he is only 5'3'' making him height impaired and also the fact that he walks on two toothpicks for legs, he is still one of the hottest human beings on the face of the planet. When he walked out on stage he had his alter ego which is arrogantly sexy.... he was rockin' out on his pink glitzed out rhinstone keyboard... It was a fantastic show! It exceeded my already high expectations! It was great to have Angela by my side again I have missed her so much and as she so keenly pointed out numerous songs on the Killers album tell a page out of the story of my life...haha.... Angela you know what I'm saying :) "I just can't take this, I swear I told you the truth.... tell me what you wanna know... ah come on ah come on ah come on, there ain't no motive for this crime.....!" The Killers = amazing! What's also amazing is when you can find a man who looks amazing in a pink button up shirt, tan balzer with a pink rhinstone brooch and eye liner.... Dude..... yes please!

Ronnie (Killers Drummer) "Do you want to hear a joke?! So, this door to door salesman knocks on the door and this three year old boy answers the door (does a fucked up version of a 3 year old walking?!)... So, the three year old answers the door with a cigar in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniel's in the other. The salesman asks are your mommy and daddy home. The three year old says What the fuck do you think?! Thanks I'll be here all night! (Walks away)...."

On a sidenote, I moved EVERYTHING out my dorm on Friday... it's so weird sitting in a completly empty room right now! All I have left is a duffel bag of clothes for the week, the school's mattress (no frame), and my computer.... so, since there's nothing else to do I might as well study! Tonight we have our mandatory house meeting about moving out that I have to go to and then maybe I can get my bed frame out of storage!

Other than that not much else has been going on except for the excitment of school coming to a close and my road-trip that is coming up before I know it! Also, there are many Jack's tour dates to be ecstatic about.... it'll be amazing!

Summer is just around the corner and I am so excited about it....

"Were all the same and love is blind. The sun is gone before it shines. And I said if the answer is no can I change your mind?!" ~The Killers!

It could be the pounding headache that seems to be scrambling my brains into thousands of tiny pieces....

It could be the lack of sleep over the past few nights that have been filled with tossing and turning...

It could be seeing "A Lot Like Love" for the second time and feeling lonely and like I'm turning into one of those bitter single people....

It could be the pain I feel in my chest right now like someone's pinching me in a vise, and the fact that I woke up sick....

It could be the stress from school, exams, and papers....college is EVIL....

It could be this sneaking feeling of doubt....

... as to why I feel so crabby?!

But who am I to complain? Honestly, everyone out there has felt this way or feels this way... so to all you college kids I wish you the best of luck in the last few weeks, and to all of you who have caught this disease... I wish you betterness....

Summer.... 23 days....